Other than getting a teeth pulled, married, or joining the army; the most horrific thing you can volunteer for in life is a blind date even if you have been chatting on line and you have seen photos of each other, chances are you won’t look like them pictures to the other person. There are two equally ghastly parts to the date: asking for the date, and the date itself. Remember, however bad you feel when someone turns you down for a date, the good news is that you then don't have to go on the date itself well it isn’t really it’s the only way you are going to relearn the social skills needed to face life on your own in the big wide dating world especially if you have been through a painful break-up even if you’ve had time to prepare for the end perhaps even chosen the break-up yourself. It can still all be a painful adjustment and meeting new people for the first time on your own can be daunting, so we must all try and make the meeting as easy and relaxing as possible.
What makes a date so dreadful is the weight of expectation attached to it and the let down but there is every chance that you may meet your soul mate, get married, have children and be buried side by side. There is an equal chance that the person you meet will look as if they have already been buried for some time and just been dug up so be prepared
The hardest part of the date itself is the first line you say when you meet. If you can manage it, saying 'You look fantastic' is a great starter. Often, with nerves this can come out as 'You look fat', which can take the shine off the rest of the day or evening but give it a go. “You smell nice” always works well to but best of all is a nice big smile. We humans are all the same in the end. We all long for a precious bond with another person, the intimacy that means we’re the special one in someone else’s life.
Don’t have a nervous breakdown….
Deciding what to wear on a first date takes approximately four times as long as the actual date itself. The golden rule is to wear what you feel most comfortable in, unless it is that favourite fleecy romper suit….leave it at home… as I said do make some effort. The time to buy a fancy new outfit is on the second date, when you can feel that buzz of excitement going through your body. Always try and smell nice but not truck loads that could make the other person feel quite sick.
So you are on your date…….
If you go to dinner, remember that you should always ask if you are going to split the bill. This means splitting in half, not working out exactly how many samousas he or she had and how that affects the final total. Never say to a woman that she ate a lot more than you and therefore should be paying a few extra quid because she's such a big eater. I know some men haven’t even bought a drink for their date, this is not on so get real do you want to impress someone or not. Better still why don’t you just be the gent and pay on the first occasion.
Another idea is going to the cinema on a first date if you find conversation difficult. However it's worth bearing in mind that 8 percent of arguments in established relationships are about what film to watch. If you insist on taking someone to see a violent thriller, don't expect them to be whispering sweet nothings in your ear while someone on screen gets their face blown off.
Having a drink can help you relax. You should drink at a level that makes you feel increasingly sophisticated and your partner seems increasingly attractive as the evening wears on. When your sophistication meets their attractiveness, you have a thirty second window of opportunity to move in for that most important kiss. Drinking to the right level may also help you deal with the taboo topic the lengthy conversation about the ex bitch or ba*stard yes try and leave the baggage of the break-up till another time may frighten your date away………..so just try and have fun and make each other laugh be positive no one likes negativity.
So that kiss……….
Well this can be make or break for the whole date as kissing is the key to open everything. Before kissing remove all foreign objects from the mouth including pens, pipes, musical, instruments, and beards. If you both wear dental braces do not attempt to kiss without the fire brigade in attendance with heavy cutting gear.
Make sure you clear the mouth of all food – remember you are kissing not attempting to feed by regurgitation and resist the temptation to be cute by passing your boiled sweet from mouth to mouth and definitely get rid of the old favourite the chewing gum.
Kissing is a specialised technique delicate pecks or puckering can be nice, it is not recommended that you uncoil your tongue like a hose reel and thrust it down your partners throat ………oh no be warned and for god sake no slobbering like a Doberman. Just remember your partner should feel as though they have been kissed passionately not had half an hour with an ear nose and throat specialist. So it was good you felt your toes curl……. Your nose twitch, your heart beat faster that feeling that makes you say wowwwwwwwwwwww hmmmmmmmmmmm and do it again and again till your partner collapses because he or she can’t breathe yes try not to overdo it.
So there is chemistry….
So you jelled, you got on like a house on fire and you are going to meet again, cook a meal at his or her place that’s great. Don’t overdo it keep it nice and simple candles on the table, maybe one flower dim the lights but make sure you can both see what you’re eating, nice back ground music not to loud and it is all going really well……….you both know what you want to do……..but how do you know when to make the right move are you reading the signals right……….yes it is still a bit hard as mixed messages can really mess everything up but you just have to go with the flow…….and hope that you have both pressed all the right buttons for each other and go for it, still be cautious think about protection hopefully you have talked about it……..so you both know what you are doing, so off you go to the bedroom or maybe you have both got so wound up that you don’t actually make it that far…………whatever…………just enjoy and be sensible.
We wish you all luck in your search for a new mate and lots of fun looking and dating.
Wilo Callaghan
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