Are you in love or you don't really know what love is as Prince Charles said in that embarrassing television night when he said when asked if he was in love the reply being yes what ever love is!! Some say falling in love with love is almost the same as being infatuated.
Often this is based on an idea and not on the real person or thing and the full extent of your love may not become clear for some time. So how do you know if it is real deal or not, or if you are just infatuated or on the rebound, it's a hard one but there are certain feelings and things that should be able to tell you…..but then again if you have just split up from a long marriage, or relationship and the break-up isn't going so well and there is a lot of stress with the financial aspect of it all, leaving your home the children, and this may not have been your choice but it seemed like the only alternative available to get some sanity back in your life, then this could be a time when you will be so confused with everything that has happened, maybe even a little depressed you won't be thinking straight about anything so if there is a shoulder to lean on that shoulder could become quite important, you are vulnerable and you could misread your feelings for this shoulder person of course as love.
So let's see if we can sort this Love thing out and break it up a bit as the meaning of love is an intensely subjective thing, I mean look in the dictionary it has so many different definitions for the word. The first love definition, “a passionate affection for another person,” this is probably one that many romantic couples could relate to and understand but just because this definition of love is widely accepted by people in a relationship doesn’t mean that it’s the only meaning of love out there and here are some examples:
I love
My kids
My house
My job
My car/boat/Bike
My dog/cat
Fishing
Riding my bike
I love sport yes men do and if you take that away from a man you might as well take off his right arm ha ha
Shopping
The Gym
Etc etc, yes that small four letter word is used so much, I mean how many times have you heard someone say I loveeeeeeee it!! It's just the way we are when it comes to that word and of course we do love things in our lives, but what about the real passionate love for a person how do you know when you are actually in love when do you realise it, at what point does it hit you. Well there are certain things that happen when you meet that special someone who rocks your world, presses your buttons, and turns your lights on as some of the phrases go.
You get these skip skip flutter flutter heart beat feelings
You seem to have a spring in your step your excited
You can't stop thinking about the other person
You can't wait to hear the other person's voice
You can't wait to see the other person again
You miss the other person when you are not with them
You get anxious if you don't here from them.
You keep hoping there will be a text or email
You seem to talk about everything and nothing for ages
You never run out of things to say
You start saying I miss you all the time
You find it hard to say goodbye to each other
Some would say when you get them feeling it is love so you are in big trouble ….but there are many factors to this in how did you actually meet the other person in the first place was it on an internet dating site or a chat room, speed dating, facebook or My space. Many would ask is it really possible to find your soul mate on an online dating site. Well you can and people do there are many testimonials from people who have met online and lived happily ever after, why do you think there are so many dating sites to choose from it's booming it’s addictive, and it's all about love finding that special someone your soul mate to share your life with.
Basically there is little guidance it is just how you feel about someone they may have been a childhood sweetheart who you have loved for years….you could be in love with a friends partner and can't do anything about it or you met at a party, dinner, club, whatever but once you get them feelings you know it's different to anything else and it can start from just chatting to someone on an online dating site and that's where many relationships start believe me.
But beware of the person who brings the word love out of their memory bank just to gain what they are after…..and don't actually love anyone but themselves….these people are clever and can win you over very quick with their smooth talking ways and charm…..they are called the love and leave them brigade and there are lots of them out there so make sure you are guarded sometimes. They are the Teflon non stick types, they date and date furiously but they never stick to just one person. They will pull out all the stops on your dates with words like your special, I could really fall for you, I think I am falling in love with you, I would like to give us a go bla bla bla and they will always try and fill you up with as much alcohol as possible ha ha hmmmmmm yea we have all been there nice at the time.
So if you are looking for someone through an online dating site make sure you clearly state what you are looking for, if it’s casual say that don't play games as that is all some people want, if you want love real love say you want a relationship or if it is just chatting online, keeping options open then say that be true to yourself and others make it clear, as real love should not be messed around with. Look at a person's profile try and read between the lines……really read the message's they have sent to you ask lots of subtle questions to try and get a feel of where the other person is coming from and what they are looking for, the times when men and women stuck together like glue after dating for a while are not the same anymore. There is no real attachment no matter what interaction or physical intimacy they share nothing is happening it's all a momentary thing nothing is really growing for couples as it appears we have swapped commitment for one night stands no one gets hurt that way YEA RIGHT!! What ever!! Flings are okay but they lose their appeal eventually and there comes the times when we want depth.
Now we want free sex without having to do the courting, or romance or paying for the candlelight dinners if we can get away with it, we seem to prefer casual rather than the intense commitment and by doing this we end up short changing ourselves of the real excitement and pleasure love can give us well each to there own!!
Okay yea love involves lots of commitment and sometimes there are things we may have to give up. When you are in a relationship you have to accommodate the other persons tastes, fit into someone else's schedule attend to their needs and desires not just your own, be supportive, and maybe set aside some of your own freedom but hey if it is love then you will sort it out so it works for both of you, and you will have found out that you have lots in common anyway and that's what being a couple is all about………but why do it some ask. GOOD QUESTION and many of us on our own can't see the answer anymore we have got so use to doing what we want when we want we have got set in our ways, it's not good and casual becomes a good option nothing wrong with that.
But there is an answer LOVE MAKES US FEEL ALIVE YES IT DOES when you feel that then that is a sign that it is love in what ever form as what we all want most in life is that thrill, the buzz bufferfly’s in your stomach the anticipation of seeing each other again, looking in the mirror 100 times to make sure you look just right, leaving way to early as you don’t want to be late, trying to look cool calm and collected while waiting and hoping the beads of sweat dry up before he or she arrives, the adrenalin rush, having someone in our life all them feeling are great ah, ha ha
When this happens with someone your heart beats faster your blood boils your skin tingles you get aches in side when you don’t hear from them, you feel you could walk through hot coals to see them!! Well maybe not quite like that but you get what I am saying, but because so many of us are afraid of attachment and commitment and have been hurt, we settle for casual dating and sex and we end up getting nothing the burden without any real pleasure the next morning it's all very shallow and can become a very lonely life, far worse than being in love for real and don't kid yourself otherwise as there is nothing nicer than having someone to share all the little things together, someone who rocks your world, a lover, best friend, someone to dance with, laugh with, cuddle, spooning, sensual, intimate, caring, supportive stuff, someone you will miss when you go out or when you are not with them there is a big difference between making love and having sex is not the same it's still enjoyable yea it fulfils the need, but it's the feeling you get after, if you are not in love and it was just another night.
So how do we find the love of our life and if we have them love feelings how do we know the other person feels the same. Well online dating, facebook, chartrooms, singles club,speed dating, can be a good place apart from being fun, just bear in mind as I said that the other person may not be looking for the same as you so read, read, read between the lines, beware of the player…………..so you meet MR or MISS RIGHT who rocks your world, try and take it slow I mean if you have moved in with each other within two weeks of meeting especially from an online dating site then it does sort of give out a few alarm bells to all your friends but hey it happens so don't knock it, but they do say you can't be in love and be wise, your heart rules your head hmmmmmmm …anyway just to be sure look for all the little tell tale signs to see if he or she is genuine, I mean in former times, things were much simpler boy met girl, boy dated girl, boy married girl, Yea you get it, but now, when it comes to dating and mating, it's a whole different ball game there seems to be more selections than at your local supermarket! So here are just few things to watch out for.
1. You never know when they’ll call or text again.
2. They haven’t given you their land line or work number
3. They have two phones (Find out why)
4. They just keep you hanging in there waiting, there’s no routine or regularity to your situation.
5. You are not sure if you are just friends or not and don’t know how to refer them to your friends or whether to mention them at all.
6. You still haven’t met any of their friends, you don’t even know their email address heck they don’t even mention their friends.
7. If they ring they suddenly say oh I have to go now it makes you feel they are hiding something and you are a secret.”
8. You never have long term plans together, you feel as if there holding out for something better.
9. They start asking you about your money situation
10. You still have other contacts and you keep your profile on your dating site.
11. They are still on dating sites.
12. They keep you emotionally off balance you feel like you are being used even though they say all the right things when you are together.
13. Your needs are not being fully met you are not being made to feel totally wanted or special.
14. The give vague answers and things don't really stack up to something else they may have said before.
15. They keep boomeranging back in your life every time you decide to move on keeping there options open.
16. When you’re apart your mind is in turmoil because you’re not sure if they are seeing someone else.
17. You get mixed messages all the time as to how they feel about you.
18. They don't text or contact you for days.
19. All the reasons as to why they didn't contact you as follows:
20. Been in a meeting all day
21. Battery went flat charger at home.
22. Run out of funds
23. Deleted your number by mistake
24. Picked up my mates phone by mistake,
25. Fell out of my top pocket into the toilet (YEA RIGHT!!) HA HA)
26. I ran over it
27. Left my phone at home
28. Left it in the cab
29. Left it at work couldn't get it back till the morning
30. Had it switched off by mistake
31. Put it in the washing machine
32. I texted didn't you get it
33. Was out of range babe
34. Why haven't you answered my texted (that's the one that wasn't sent of course)
To name but a few but hey let's not get to cynical here as some of these reason for no contact are quite genuine and I have two phones and often leave one or the other at home, and my battery goes flat but you get my drift you do have to keep you wits about you to determined whether the new love in your life is real love it might be for you but if you can answer yes to at least half or more of the above and seem confused as to where you stand with the man or woman in your life then that should give you some concerns for sure as it means you have got problems you are being played so walk away if you can as this person is going to stop contacting you at some stage when they have got what they want or met someone else so be prepared don't let anyone mess with your head.
You can see why so many people say why bother as you only get hurt but they also say "It is better to be love than not at all" so putting all that aside if you are looking for real love don't be put off nothing ventured nothing gained go for it join some clubs, or go on an online dating site and get yourself out there and meet people, be cautious and careful and you will be okay and eventually Mr or Miss Right will come along and wham that chemistry thingy we are all looking for will knock your socks off so just enjoy it for how ever long you have the pleasure of it, because once you have that feeling of being in love in what ever way it grabs hold of you there is no other feeling like it in the world, the biggest problem is how to keep it like that once you have it and I will be writing some tips on that in my next article.
Written by Wilo Callaghan
Not for republishing
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